i jhust puked up my retainher.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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