you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I AM VODKA MAN
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
