I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
