Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
