ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He passed out mid-signature
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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