Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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