My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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