she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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