white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
