Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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