Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
