I will die if light touches me.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
