so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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