I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
