I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize