It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
