just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
