So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
