The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
