yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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