there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
