I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
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You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
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I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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