You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Randomize
