I just cut my nipple shaving
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize