i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
It was confusing and full of hummus
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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