summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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