if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
