I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
