I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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