woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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