I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
