I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
