Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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