We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The Olympian is in my bed
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
