I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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