i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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