I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
