he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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