There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Sorry about my life...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
