You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
