??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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