i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Say something about gay babies.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
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