saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
