my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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