It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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