Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
