I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
