Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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