why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
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Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
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I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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