you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
