No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
