how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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