Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
