I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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