I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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