Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize