The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
