wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
