glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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