dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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