I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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