My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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