Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
