Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Is it penis luge time yet?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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