Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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