I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
