Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
