Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
