i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
