My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Come share oat with me in your robe
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
