better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize