its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
