textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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