You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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