dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
