Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
